Bear is gone, and I can’t sleep. I have giant bags under my eyes, and am running on about four hours of decent sleep over the last two (almost three) days. I promised to take care of myself, and I wish there was a way I could force myself to be tired and stop crying.
However, I am really glad that I got to talk to him on the phone today. It’s helps put in perspective the arrival call a few hours ago shouted at top volume as he read from an issued script.
And so, at one AM, too worried about the love of my life as he goes through his admittance cycle for Marine Corps boot camp, my plan is to crawl into bed with the bear he gave me for Christmas, listen to the recordable book of Charlie Brown Christmas he gave me with my bear, and listen to the Pan’s Labyrinth lullaby that he loves and told me about. And if I still can’t sleep…
Lots of coffee, I guess.
God I wish mail was faster. As well as this first process of Paperwork and issuing of clothes and haircuts and all that other stuff. They montage through it in all the movies, but in real life, it takes you a day to a day and a half with no sleep. With no one to tell you they love you until almost a week has gone by, and you get a response to the first letter you send out.
I wish I knew when that day was going to be so I had something short-term and definitive to count down to.
He told me this afternoon on the phone that he couldn’t sleep at all last night because I wasn’t next to him. That and “I want to be with you forever” are the two things that stuck out the most in that conversation. The latter because it’s the future I want, the former because I feel helpless in the meantime.
But I was able to tell him that even if he couldn’t go off-script during his next call, to know that I’d be on the other end wanting to tell him I loved him, and to never forget that while he’s there. So when that call came and part of the script was to say “I love you,” I hope he knew that I was listening from next to his mom (who answered) and wanting to tell him what I’ve told him a million times, that he is it, and that I’ll be waiting on the other side.
I’m already trying to figure out what to wear to San Diego in May. I want to look my absolute best when I see him next…
NIGHTNIGHT by DEDDY
