Fall in love with someone who treats you like kanye treats kanye
Is this the most fun a grown man can have [1/2]
…without taking his clothes off
*excuses self to Panic! at the Disco corner from whence that comment came*
So, I have this co-worker who I am trying to be friends with. But he constantly ruins it by thinking hems flirting with me, when really all he’s doing is pushing me deeper into my confusion over how he has a girlfriend.
He is always trying to get my attention, but he can flip from the good-natured friendly teasing that everyone I work with does to teasing that’s kind of mean. Like he calls me pumpkin butt, which also irritates for the added reason that it means he’s looking at my butt at all.
The other day, he asked why I was married already in this disappointed voice that made another of or co-workers laugh in a way that said, “Why are you so random and weird and saying something like that?”
I responded, “Because he asked me to marry him and I said yes.” I didn’t feel like getting into the full, sappy answer, but he asked two or three times. If he does it again, I’m going to give him that full, sappy answer, which is, “Because when you meet your soulmate, you don’t waste time thinking about what-ifs and wondering whether you’re too young. When you meet your soulmate, all you really concern yourself with is how soon you can start spending the rest of your lives together.
I mean, noting this dude has done has really fit into the sexual harassment category, or makes me uncomfortable exactly. Really what it is is frustrating. Because I’m trying to be friends with my co-workers, him included, and it’s really hard to be trying to be friendly and someone harps on these stupid hints. It’s like, give it a rest, dude. I am married, and you have a girlfriend, and even if we were both single I wouldn’t date you because you kind of drive me nuts sometimes and are proud of the fact that you don’t like cuddling.
He has also tried to find reasons to break the touch barrier. Like everyone kind of exchanges back rubs because sitting or standing at the teller line all day makes you sore. But I get my back rubs at home and I’m not about to give this guy one. And he keeps trying to get me to give him my hand.
I say no primarily because I know it’s part of his love of popping peoples knuckles, which really hurts, but also because I don’t want him touching me. I have had enough male friends to know that it’s not a far jump from, “Oh, let me see how you painted your nails!” To pretending to want to kiss you and backing off at the last minute just to see what you’d do (now if he tried something like THAT, he’d have a bright red handprint on his face and get to watch me walk as fast as my stiletto-clad feet could take me to or boss’s office).
I have always been of the mindset not to let male friends touch you at all, even hugs, unless you completely trust them not to abuse it. I wonder if this dude has noticed that I let the other male teller put his arm around me or give me hugs.
One of my friends thinks I should go to my boss. But firstly, they’re little buddies. And secondly, I honestly think he doesn’t know that what he’s doing is weird. Like it’s not like he’s intentionally doing it out of a sense of male entitlement or anything. It’s more like amplified word vomit and a complete lack of filter, because he does it with everything in his working life, not just his interactions with me. Like, a person might THINK, “Gee, why is this person married already,” but they don’t say it out loud.
But then there’s the part of me that is always inherently suspicious of all but a very very select few people that is pretty much confined to my mom and brother. And that part of me says that he is doing it to fuck with Alex, even though he’s not there, because he knows Alex doesn’t like him. It was pretty obvious the one time they briefly met, and he and the other male teller talked about it after Alex left my work. The suspicious part of me thinks maybe he’s hoping I’ll go home and tell Alex about it so it bugs him, and that if I don’t, I’m keeping something from my husband in favor of this guy.
The truth is that telling Alex about every little gnat-buzz annoyance this guy pulls is not worth him going to jail and me losing my job, because Alex already wants to punch the guy’s lights out as it is.
There are times where he actually wants me to tell Alex stuff. Like he wanted me to tell Alex that he was taking me, just me, to Disneyland, emphasizing that my husband was not to come. And in a tone that said he was floating and lording it over him like, “See, *I’ll* take your wife to Disneyland.” Except the reason we haven’t gone is really only because we’re still saving up to go and I don’t get paid time off.
And that I’m supposed to break the news to Alex that he’s going to marry me now, so to just toddle off.
Really all this does is show how stupid the guy is. He is lucky that I have a filter, because there are four types of guys whose wives you do NOT talk to/about like that:
And as Alex is the third, he is, as the phrase goes, “cruisin’ for a bruisin’.”
Because I know for a fact that if Alex found out about this stuff being said, he would barge in to where I work, pull this dude over his desk and through his teller window, and bear him within an inch of his life in full view of every security camera in the place.
Ergo the mention of him going to jail and me losing my job.
Part of me wants it to just stop, but part of me wants him to try to take it too far so I can go to our boss with something concrete so he’ll leave me alone. Because if I just stops he’ll just find someone else to do it to.
But in the meantime, it’s a comfort to know that virtually everyone in that entire branch is only nice to him to his face. And all the other tellers talk shit about him as soon as he’s out of earshot.
This story is about the Baudelaires. And they are the sort of people who know that there’s always something. Something to invent, something to read, something to bite, and something to do, to make a sanctuary, no matter how small. And for this reason, I am happy to say, the Baudelaires were very fortunate indeed.
I wish this movie was better
"You know, Prince Zuko, destiny is a funny thing. You never know how things are going to work out. But if you keep an open mind and an open heart, I promise you will find your own destiny someday.”
*cries uncontrollable, ugly tears of infinite love for Zuko*
I think my new favorite thing about Zujo is how he’s old as fuck and probably as wise as his uncle by this point, has ruled a nation and changed it to a peaceful one, and has built an entire city.
And yet, he is still Zuko. He still has his awkward, dead-pan, was-that-a-joke? way of talking about stuff (like Combustion Man), and you can see that in spite of how much he has been through and grown and changed, he is still himself. That was such an important part of the first series, and it makes my heart so happy that he is still that way in his twilight years during the new series.
There needs to be a live action version of this starring Neil Patrick Harris and Robert Downey Jr.
OH MY GOD
THAT IS ALL I WANT NOW
Omfg. I need this in my life.
The Chewbacca one is very similar to the version I song to my husband sometimes. Only replace rookie with bear.